The wedding night is one of the most talked about topics when it comes to marriage.
But sadly, there’s a lot of bad advice out there. Some of it is well-meaning but misguided, and some of it is just plain harmful.
For muslim women who have grown up in conservative homes, it can be hard to sort out he bad advice from the good and it can leave you feeling completely unprepared for what is actually a beautiful and natural part of marriage.
Today, I want to unpack some of the worst wedding night advice I’ve heard over the years, and help you understand the truth – so that you can step into your marriage with confidence, knowledge, and peace of heart.
1. “Just get it over with.”
This is one of the most common things sisters are told. That intimacy has to happen immediately, and that the sooner you “get it over with,” the better.
The truth?
There is no rush. You are allowed to take your time. The first night doesn’t have to involve anything physical. In fact, sometimes what you really need that night is conversation, prayer, laughter, or simply rest.
2. “It’s supposed to hurt – it’s normal so just be brave.”
Many women believe that pain is an unavoidable part of first-time intimacy. So they brace themselves for the worst, sometimes without understanding their own bodies or how to reduce discomfort.
The truth?
yes, to some extent there is truth to the fact that first time intimacy (penetration) most likely will be painful or at least uncomfortable for sisters who have never experienced any type of penetration (including tampons or gynecological exams) however, there are ways to recur the discomfort.
With gentle communication, proper preparation, and care, pain can be greatly reduced. And if something hurts—you are allowed to say stop.
3. “Don’t talk about it—just let it happen naturally.”
I’ve heard this advice too often: “It’ll just come naturally, you don’t need to talk about it.”
This is so harmful.
The truth?
The most important thing you can do is communicate openly. Talk before, during, and after. Say how you feel. Say if you’re scared. Say if you’re excited. Say if something hurts, say if something feels good.
Communication isn’t just allowed – it’s essential for healthy intimacy.
4. “It has to happen on the wedding night or the marriage isn’t valid.”
Another harmful misconception is that if intimacy doesn’t happen on the wedding night, something is wrong.
The truth?
Islamically, there is no obligation to consummate the marriage immediately. There is wisdom in taking things at your own pace. Both spouses have a right to feel safe, ready, and respected. There’s no “deadline.”
5. “Play music to set the mood.”
Believe it or not, I’ve seen this suggested even in Muslim spaces.
The truth?
As Muslims, we honour Allaah in every area of our lives, including intimacy. Using haram to “set the mood” is neither spiritually uplifting nor necessary. I would advise against this as it’s not wise to start off your marriage with haram.
6. “Your pleasure doesn’t matter – it’s all about him.”
Too often, brides are told that it’s just about the husband. That a good wife gives, and her own needs are secondary.
The truth?
This is not the way of the Prophet ﷺ. Islam teaches mutual love, consideration, and kindness. The husband has a duty to ensure his wife’s comfort, her pleasure, and her emotional safety. Your comfort. enjoyment and satisfaction matters.
Final Thoughts:
The important thing to remember here is that intimacy is something that Allaah has created to be enjoyed by both spouses. It’s easy to overlook this in the midst of all the nervousness and the worry.
its important that both spouses prepare well for the first time intimate experience because It can set the tone for how you connect in those early days and it can have a ripple effect for years.
I wrote The Bride’s Amānah because I’ve seen too many sisters suffer in silence, step into marriage with fear, or carry wounds from the very night that was supposed to mark a new beginning. This book gives you the knowledge, confidence, and preparation you need. Grab your copy of The Bride’s Amaanah here.
Very true to speak about this issues. I’m no longer a young girl and have been married for many years but I’m happy that this is there for other girls.